I Thought I Was Dying—But It Was Anxiety
If you've ever been "choked out" by anxiety, this is for you.
When having your very first panic attack, I highly suggest that you do not do what I did and jump out of your plane seat mid-flight and scream,
“I’M GOING TO DIE!”
…and run down the center aisle toward the cockpit waving your arms.
This may surprise you, but the Transportation and Security Administration frowns on this type of behavior.
So do Federal Air Marshals, any former high school wrestlers who’ve dreamed of one day stopping a terrorist attack, and all moms of small children sitting near you with heavy diaper bags.
I was returning home from a conference, and while sitting in the back of a plane, landing gear descending, my entire body was seized by the crushing weight of what I knew was a heart attack.
It was not.
That was my first, but it certainly wouldn’t be my last panic attack—and it definitely wasn’t the first time I realized I struggled with something a lot of people around me didn’t.
I’m someone who struggles with anxiety.
It goes back as far as I can remember.
That Thing Crushing Your Chest
In Matthew 13, at the height of Jesus’ popularity—when crowds of people followed him wherever he went—Jesus sat down by the shore of the Sea of Galilee and told them a story.
“A farmer went out to sow seed into a field.”
To help picture what Jesus was referring to, here is a photo I took of a farmer’s field just outside Nazareth, Jesus’ hometown:
The early church historian Hegesippus tells us that the family of Jesus owned around 40 acres of farmland, so this would’ve been very close to where Jesus and his family farmed.
No doubt Jesus had sown seed on his family’s property many times.
As intended, most of the time the majority of seed would fall on good soil, and the plant would grow, symbolizing the faithful disciple who multiplies themselves many times over.
But occasionally some of the seed would fall on soil with thorny vines.
If you struggle with anxiety, that seed among the thorns refers to you and me.
Why?
Because Jesus said,
“…the worries of this life…choke the word, making it unfruitful.” (Matthew 13:22).
We - like the thorny soil - have God’s word come into our hearts - but like a thorny vine squeezing the life out of us, anxiety comes in and makes us unfruitful.
We don’t die.
We still exist—but just barely.
Choked.
What a dark, visceral word Jesus used.
The Greek word translated choked is sympnigō (συμπνίγω) (pronounced: soom-PNEE-go).
sym = "with" or "together"
pnigō = "to choke" or "to strangle"
sympnigō = “to choke together” or “to suffocate.”
In Greek medicine, it described a dying patient gasping for air.
In military contexts, it described how a stampede felt when soldiers pressed enemies against a wall.
It’s the same word used in Luke 8:42, when we’re told the crowds almost crushed Jesus.
Choked.
Is there a more poignant word to describe what it feels like when anxiety attacks?
You try to breathe, but something invisible has wrapped itself around your chest.
You want to trust, but the thorns keep whispering worst-case scenarios.
You want to move forward in faith, but you feel pinned to the ground—immobilized, suffocating, stuck.
What Should Disciples of Jesus Do?
1. Get Treated By a Doctor
Some Christians will tell you that you shouldn’t get medicine, that you can and should treat your anxiety with prayer and trusting Jesus.
They say that because they don’t know what they’re talking about.
Your brain is part of your body.
And nobody is telling you to stop taking your insulin for Type-1 diabetes, are they?
Of course not.
Go to a medical doctor and get medical treatment.
Now if you choose to take medicine for anxiety—like I do—you’ll quickly find out that all medicine does is take you down to the baseline where everyone else lives.
You’ll still get anxious feelings.
But instead of waking up with your heart racing at 75 out of 100 on the “I’m going to die anxiousness meter” - you’ll start the day like your non-anxious friends.
But you’ll still get anxious—just like everyone else.
Hence, my second point…
2. Live Like Jesus
Don’t just believe the things Jesus taught.
Read through the Gospels and take note of how Jesus actually lived and put those behaviors into practice.
I’ve been doing this for a decade, and the more successful I am living the way Jesus lived, the more I feel like Jesus felt.
Look at how Jesus lived:
He walked everywhere – Matt. 4:18; Luke 24:15
He slept well – Mark 4:38; Luke 8:23
He ate real food – Matt. 9:10; Luke 24:43
He rested – Mark 6:31
He withdrew to quiet places – Luke 5:16
He had close friends – Matt. 17:1; Mark 5:37
He attended parties – Luke 5:29; John 2:1
He served others – John 13:5
He spent time with outcasts – Matt. 9:10–13; Luke 19:1–10
He spent time near water – Matt. 4:18; John 21
He climbed mountains – Matt. 14:23; Luke 6:12
He spent nights outside – Luke 21:37; John 18:2
He reflected in nature – Matt. 6:26–30; Luke 12:24
He prayed early and often – Mark 1:35; Luke 5:16
He fasted – Matt. 4:2
He memorized Scripture – Matt. 4:4,7,10
He regularly went to worship – Luke 4:16
He kept a weekly Sabbath – Luke 4:31
The one thing I didn’t include?
Dying on a cross.
There’s a good reason for that.
A recent study—either from Harvard or Finland, I forget which—concluded that crucifixion significantly increases one’s anxiety levels.
So unless you’re Jesus, maybe skip that part.
But do everything else.
Slow down. Touch the earth. Get off your phone. Step outside. Serve someone. Pray in the dark before anyone wakes up. Sit in silence. Have a party with friends. Walk somewhere. Rest like your life depends on it.
Because it does.
Live like Jesus lived—and just watch what happens to your anxiety.
Until next time, friend.
Brian